FanFiction.Net Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Hey! I've found this story I (pretended I) wrote and left unfinished long ago. It was supposed to have members of FanFiction.Net playing for £1,000,000 (what use would that be to them, if they weren't British?!) Anyway, I know I used some elements from various stories (and I regret it!) but I'm not sure where... anyhow, here's what I'd done, see if you can make sense of it all...

Note: A name has been changed to protect the innocent FanFicton.Net writer/contestant.

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Chris Tarrant: Hello, and welcome to Wednesday night’s special, FanFiction.Net, "Who wants to be a millionaire"! Tonight, questions stand between FanFiction.Net contestants, and the golden prize of one million pounds. But the contestants may lose any safety nets. One of the first questions wrong, and they go away with – nothing! Well, lets welcome our first contestant for this evening – [Contestant]…
(Applause)
[Contestant]: Wait! I didn't get any money.
Chris Tarrant: That's a surprise! Is it probably because YOU WEREN'T IN IT??
Author's Note: He wasn't in what?
[Contestant]: I wasn't?
Chris Tarrant: Yes. It's a good fic, too.
Author's Note: Which fic?
[Contestant]: it's because of me.
Chris Tarrant:
[Contestant]: I was in my comedies and they did terrible! I have to leave!
Chris Tarrant: No! Don't!
[Contestant]: OK. (Stays)
Author's Note: I certainly remember the part above! I read the original source recently. I won't say where I got it from, though.
Chris Tarrant: [Contestant] currently works on an IQ of James Brown 007th, but he has some rather specific plans for tonight…
Author's Note: James Brown 007th used to be a terrific parody of James Bond on FanFiction.Net, but they disappeared and the author ran away from the site. I referred to this on another site, but no one cared, what a bore!
Chris Tarrant: [Contestant], how much are you hoping to win tonight? And what are you planning on doing with it?
[Contestant]: Well, Chris, I’m not setting my sights too high. I’ll be quite happy if I can just answer the first question, and win £100
Chris Tarrant: and what will you do if you do win £100?
[Contestant]: When I get to 1000, I’ll take the money, and not risk it any further. I’m planning to take my parents away on the vacation of a lifetime, and the prize from the first question will just about pay for that for us…
Author's Note: Well, no-one's ever walked away with £100! I certainly wouldn't! And why does the contestant change his amount to 1,000?
Chris Tarrant: Well, [Contestant], I know your parents are in the audience tonight, and I’m sure they’ll be looking forward to that vacation. Where are you planning on going?
[Contestant]: we hoped to go on a cruise to London, and then travel up the Big Ben
Author's Note: You can't exactly travel up Big Ben! Perhaps this originated from "We hoped to go on a cruise to Paris, and then travel up the Eiffel Tower"?
Chris Tarrant: well, listen up, good luck for tonight. Have a look at Question 1. You’ve got all three lifelines:

Chris Tarrant: Here we go! Question 1. It’s worth £100.



[Contestant]: (smiling) it’s D, Chris
Chris Tarrant: Confident?
[Contestant]: Yes, definitely. J.K. Rowling. That’s my final answer.
Chris Tarrant: you can afford to use a lifeline to make sure. Don’t want to phone a friend?
[Contestant]: No, I’m sure
Chris Tarrant: 50:50?
[Contestant]: No, it’s D.
Chris Tarrant: (Pause) Congratulations, you’ve just won £100!
(Applause)
Chris Tarrant: Well, [Contestant], I’ve got 2 £50 coins here for £100. It’s enough to take your parents away on a cruise to London.
Author's Note: There aren't any £50 coins!!!
Chris Tarrant: (Reaches to give him the coins, but snatches it back) But we don’t want to give you that! Simply by answering the next question, your winnings could double, to £200. You might as well take a look at Question 2. Remember, you don’t have to answer it, and you would still walk away with 2 coins. [Contestant], tell me, what would you do if you won £200?
[Contestant]: I’d still take my parent’s away for the vacation, but I’d also buy myself better batteries. The one I’ve got in my Game Boy is nearing the end of it’s battery-power…
Chris Tarrant: New batteries… Well, let’s take a look at Question two. And remember, if you answer it correctly, you double your winnings to £200. You’ve got all three lifelines intact.



Author's Note: I think this question might be better as "Which UK magazine company created Cybot in 'Real Robots'?"
[Contestant]: I’m not sure. I think I’d like to phone a friend.
Author's Note: That doesn't make the contestant a loser, does it?!
Chris Tarrant: that’s okay. Remember you don’t have to take your friend’s answer, and you could still walk away with 2 coins. Who do you want to call?
[Contestant]: I’d like to call James
Chris Tarrant: Okay. Here we go!

Chris Tarrant: James good evening its Chris Tarrant here! I’ve got [Contestant] here. He’s at £100 at the moment. With your help, James, we can get him up to £200. The next voice you hear will be [Contestant]’s. He’ll tell you the question and four possible answers. One of them is worth £200. Okay [Contestant], your time starts NOW!

[Contestant]: Hello Simon
Author's Note: Ooh, just a minute ago, his name was James



James: I’m fairly sure that it’s Real Robots
[Contestant]: How sure?
James: About 80%
[Contestant]: Thank you. Chris, I’m going to go with it. The answer’s B. Real Robots.
Chris Tarrant: Confident?
[Contestant]: Not really! But I need that new car. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try it.
Author's Note: Wait! A few minutes ago he wanted new batteries. Now he wants a new car?!?!!
Chris Tarrant: Final answer?
[Contestant]: Final answer Chris,
Chris Tarrant: Remember, if it’s wrong, you walk away with nothing. But if it’s right, you win £200
[Contestant]: I’m sure.
Chris Tarrant: it’s good. You’ve got £200
(Applause)
Chris Tarrant: Congratulations [Contestant]. You’ve got a vacation, and batteries. There are 2 more coins here for £200; But we don’t want to give you that! We’re approaching the part of the game now, where you can start to win some serious money. The next question is worth £300. That’s a lot of money. It’s four times what you are currently on.
Author's Note: No it's not! It's only £100 more! Also, £300 isn't exactly a lot.
Chris Tarrant: You might as well take a look at the next question, and see if you know the answer. What would you do if you won £300?
[Contestant]: Well, Chris, at the moment I still live with Mom and Dad. If I had that sort of money, I’d buy myself a Mllionaire Album nearby, so I could get out for music.
Author's Note: Aww, that's sweet
Chris Tarrant: Mom and Dad are here in the audience tonight, [Contestant]. I suspect that they may be quite keen on you getting the next question right. Let’s take a look at Question 3. It’s worth £300. You’ve still got two lifelines in tact.



[Contestant]: I think I know the answer
Chris Tarrant: Remember, if you get it wrong you lose £200
[Contestant]: I think its Jessie & James
Chris Tarrant: Confident?
[Contestant]: Not 100%
Chris Tarrant: you’ve still got two lifelines
[Contestant]: I’ll go 50:50
Chris Tarrant: Okay. We’ll take away two wrong answers



Chris Tarrant: Does that help?
[Contestant]: I still think its Jessie & James. I’ll go for that. It’s answer B, Chris
Chris Tarrant: Final Answer?
[Contestant]: Yes.
Chris Tarrant: Want to ask the audience?
[Contestant]: No, I’m sure it’s Jessie & James
Chris Tarrant: You could walk away now with 4 coins, and still have the vacation and the batteries
[Contestant]: No, I’m going to go for it. I need to have music. It’s B.
Chris Tarrant: (Pause) You had £200; you’ve now got £300
(Applause)
Chris Tarrant: Congratulations [Contestant]. Did you think when you came on here this evening that I would be offering you a 2 more coins for £300?

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That's all I got to.

• I know, I turned poor old Chris into an annoying cow pig!
  
• I'm still sure that work is not mine! I confess!
  
• It's full of mistakes
  

Does anyone recognise the above texts from somewhere? Perhaps it could be of some help...